


Forgiveness, can you imagine?

by LegitHamiltrash



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, John is sad, M/M, Modern AU, alex regrets stuff, break ups
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-28 11:02:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7637569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LegitHamiltrash/pseuds/LegitHamiltrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Alex break up.<br/>John misses him.<br/>Alex has regrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgiveness, can you imagine?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! this is my first post on here, so I hope it's okay!  
> Trigger warning: vague mentions of death, Break ups(?) I think that's it, if I need to list more, let me know!

John sat awake in his apartment silently staring out his window at the moonlit street below. It had been two weeks since Alex had broken up with John. It came as a surprise to him, he came home to find Alex and his things gone, with a note left on the table. 

The note had said:  
I'm sorry John. I can't do this, not now. I thought I could be in this 100%, but I really can't. I'm sorry.

John sighed and tried to push Alex from his thoughts. It always happened, Alex invading his thoughts. He thought of the way his hair felt, the tangles and waves that were always so soft. He remembered the way his eyes always lit up when passionately discussing controversial topics. John remembered how much he loved, loves, Alex. 

He imagined him sitting in a chair by the window of wherever he was staying. He always did that when he was here. John didn't know where Alex was, he didn't really want to ask. He imagined a stressed and tired Alex staring out at the brightly lit city. 

John moved away from the window and sat down on his bed. He thought about how Alex must've moved on by now. Gotten on with his life, pulled himself together. Alex must have thought that about John too, considering the fact he never answered any attempt Alex made to contact him. It's not because he didn't want to talk to Alex, not at all. Anyone who saw John could tell he was aching for Alex. He just didn't want to risk another goodbye.

If John calls, he has to say hello. That in and of itself meant he would have to say goodbye. John didn't think he could handle that.

So John laid down and fell asleep to dreams of Alex coming back to him.

————

Alex knew the feeling of loss all too well. 

He lost everything. His childhood home, his cousin, brother, father, mother, and now he lost John too.

There was no one to blame but himself. He thought that maybe if he left before his happiness could be so cruelly ripped from his life again, it wouldn't hurt as much.

He was wrong.

It hurt so, so much more. Knowing he caused the love of his life pain physically hurt him. He felt his gut clenching as he packed up his things and wrote John his simple and inadequate goodbye.

Alex had lost the one real thing he's ever known. Besides his mother. But she was gone and now, so was John.

Alex had tried to contact John again. He wanted to talk, just hear his voice one last time.

He didn't respond.

Alex had considered visiting John, but he didn't want to see the hurt on his face when he realised who it was.

So he didn't.

He decided to do the one thing that had helped him life. Writing. It was the best and worst thing life had given him. He had ruined his life with writing, hopefully it could fix it this time.

So he wrote.

He wrote and wrote and wrote until he started to cry from his hand cramping.

He threw out many pages of inadequate explanations and pleas, until he was left with what he hoped was a letter that could explain his mistake.

He sealed it in a simple white envelope and sent it to John, praying it would be enough to earn some semblance of forgiveness.

—————

Two weeks and two days after the break up, John received a letter. 

A letter from Alex. 

He stared numbly at the envelope, gazing at the familiar, scratchy handwriting.

He sat down on his couch and carefully opened the letter. He pulled out three pages of apologies and explanations. Alex had begged for forgiveness. He asked if he could come home. Home. John was shocked yet glad that Alex still considered this his home. Alex made promises of cuddles, kisses, and never leaving again. Promises that John somehow knew were sincere.

John hadn't known he was crying until the ink started to run.

He set down the letter and pulled out his phone, pulling up the contact he hadn't had the bravery to delete. John clicked call.

It rang once before he heard a small whisper come from the speaker.

"John? Is that really you?"

"It's me." He paused for a moment, composing himself, before continuing. "Please come home? I forgive you."

John could hear Alex start to sob.

"Thank you, thank you, John. I love you so much... I love you..." 

"I love you too Alex. More than you know. More than you know."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading this! Please leave feedback on what you thought, what I should fix, any grammar or spelling errors, etc. Thank you again!


End file.
